My Slice Of Heaven

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Everyone should have a spot just for themselves. Mr. C has his Man Cave (aka the living room), and I have my “Bear Cave”. (Fun fact: My nickname is Bear.) My spot is where I write letters, fiction and this lil old blog. It’s where I store my babies (aka my books) and work on my crafty projects. Recently I spring cleaned my office/library and took a few pics. I plan on adding a few new things, such as a bean bag chair so I can chill in here and read without being disturbed and another shelf for my growing collection of books and geekery.

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The view from my desk. I especially enjoy my life sized Chibs and Jax Teller.

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Partial view from my entrance. I’ve had that desk since I was thirteen. I shudder to think of how many coats of paint are on that thing by now. On days like today, that little window offers a great breeze.

My room may not be fancy and huge, but it’s all mine and I’m cozy here. It’s my happy place.

My pride and joy is my bookcase. I even have a section of authors I know (fellow writing buddies and friends.)

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The first four books on the left are anthologies I’m published in.

I have all sorts of things in here. Anything pertaining to my love of writing or my geeky side is found in my room. I should add that my personal faves are in here, since we have geekery through out the entire house.

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This old fashioned typewriter was given to me by a librarian I know. I wish I was able to use it but it makes a cool addition to my room.

I’m also a huge fan of art work. I have several fandom pieces hanging on my walls, and I also have some art given to me by close friends.

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Pic doesn’t do it justice. Piece done by my one of my best friends, Sherry.

I love my little corner of the world. I can come in here and shut out the noise and stress of the world, even for just a little while. I am always adding to it, one way or the other. (Like when I sneak books in. Seriously, I have a problem. I’m okay with that though 😉 )

Do you have your own cave or corner that is just for you? What is your favorite thing about it?

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The Importance of Plot Bunnies

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I love plot bunnies! Could use some (or one!) right about now.

Writing Madness

For those of you who don’t know what plot bunnies are, here is the official urban dictionary definition (can’t get more official than that).

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Alright, so ignore the fanfic thing. It can happen for any kind of story. Basically, you think of something or see something that is so inspirational you’re like OH MY GOD I HAVE TO WRITE THIS. I don’t know why it’s called a plot bunny. I was nine years old in 2003, so this has been around for a while.

Recently, I was attacked by plot bunnies. Or plot wolves, if you will. I had a super realistic dream (I don’t know if this is a thing all writers experience, because whenever I tell people about them they’re like “wtf”) about this land cursed by wolves. I woke up and I KNEW I had to write it. I started it right away and I’m at 12,000…

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Ronald McDonald House

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Taking a moment to reblog something that isn’t even close to geeky.
I know this lady and I was heart sick when I found out her beautiful baby was suddenly ill.
I know that The Ronald MacDonald House is very important. So please, if you can, donate when you can. A little bit here and there adds up and goes to a very worthy cause.

I don’t have a lot of experience with sick children. I was healthy growing up, my sisters were healthy and so were all of my cousins and friends. I had heard of Ronald McDonald House, but never understood its importance or significance, until a week ago. The day my world was turned upside down.

It was a normal Saturday. My baby woke up around 7:30 and wanted to play. We ate breakfast and watched some cartoons. The sun was shining so I took her outside to enjoy some fresh air. After being outside for a while I decided that it was a good idea to come inside and have some lunch. Charlotte ate and shortly after was rubbing her eyes and acting tired. ‘Nap time’ I thought, excitedly.

My daughter is not a good napper. A long nap for her would be 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I checked on…

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A Little Of Topic

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When I created this blog, I had intended to use for purely geeky purposes. To talk about my favorite things, to show my newest autograph, make book reviews and more.

There’s something very personal in my life, that I never planned to bring here. It’s something that I don’t really talk about. Recent activities online have brought up some things for me. If others are helping to erase the stigma, then by God, I am going to do my part too. Every small step adds up, right?

I have depression. (Oh, and anxiety/social anxiety, and panic attacks. Awesome, huh? *eye roll*)

And I have had it since I was 16, so half of my life. I go through periods of good, when all is smooth sailing. Then I have periods of darkness, where I either feel major self hate, or numb. Both are awful. Both are nothing but hell.

Actor Jared Padalecki started the ‘Always Keep Fighting’ campaign, helping to bring awareness to mental health and slowly helping to break the stigma. Seeing someone like him, in the spotlight with millions of eyes on him, talk about his own battles made me feel like I am not so alone in this.

A couple of days ago he caused some worry for his legions of fans, myself included, when he tweeted that he had to go home and see his family, and “I need all the love I can get right now. Please give me a few seconds of your time and write me. #AlwaysKeepFighting.”

With so much talk about depression and mental health online lately, and seeing Jared do so much, it made me realize how much I hide my depression. I don’t tell many people about it. I don’t talk to anyone about it when I am going through a rough patch.

Why?

Because of ignorance. I have had shitty comments made to me over the years, which is why I started hiding that part of me. It’s funny how if a physical part of you is broken, people give sympathy or come to try and help you. But if it is something they can’t see, it is a whole other story. They turn their back, either not understanding or not knowing what the hell to do.

I’m not keeping quiet anymore.

I am not a person who should be ashamed or be made to feel bad for something I CAN’T HELP.

If you suffer from depression or another form of mental illness, don’t feel embarrassed. Don’t hide like you have something that is a dirty little secret. I’m no longer hiding. And if someone has an issue with that, if someone can’t deal, then it is their problem, not mine.

And if you don’t have depression, anxiety or whatnot, be careful what you say to others. Educate yourself.

Here are a few things said to me over the years.

“What do you have to be sad about anyway?”

Do you think I like feeling like this? Yes, I have a good life. I’m part business owner of the salon I work in. I’m a published author. I have a loving mother (and father, RIP), a fiance who loves me. I’m healthy, I have friends (not a lot, but I’d rather a small number of loyal friends then a bucket full of fake ones.) Could certain things in my life be better? Sure. But my life is good. That has no bearing on my depression.

“Why can’t you just be happy?” 

Do you think I like waking up, feeling ‘numb’ for days and weeks on end? Feeling nothing. Or do you think I like waking up, having what I call a good day, and by noon or the evening my internal frame of mind has taken a complete turn? Feeling good one minute and literally like hell the next? Nobody wakes up and decides to be depressed.

“If you were down why didn’t you just call/email/text?”

Okay so that isn’t exactly a shitty thing, however, odds are of reaching out are slim to none. People who are depressed feel as if they are a burden, myself included. If I was just having a blue day and needed some fun, sure I will get in touch. But if it’s something deeper, I won’t be the one going to you. My inner dialogue? “He/she has their own shit pile, no need to bother them with this.”

“There are people worse off then you.” 

Yes, I know that. And thanks for the added guilt, as if I wasn’t feeling shitty enough. Thank you for making me feel bad about something I can’t control.

“Well it could be worse.”

True. But spend ten minutes inside my head during a dark period and maybe you will understand my personal hell.

“You don’t look depressed.” 

You don’t look ignorant.

The stigma in regards to mental health needs to stop. If you suffer from something, please get help if you need it. If you don’t suffer from depression, please have some love and compassion for the people in your life who do. You have no idea what another person is thinking or feeling. Please don’t judge. (I think it is safe to say that everyone should follow that golden rule.)

I could say a lot more on the topic, and I probably will another day. These are just some of the random things going through my head the last few days. No matter what you suffer from, you are NOT alone.

Always Keep Fighting.

My Brief Hiatus

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I know it has been a while since I have made a proper post, something aside from my newest autograph that arrives in the mail. It dawned on me last night how little I have been around here. And that makes me a bit sad.

I have mentioned a few times during the winter things that were going on. Illnesses and my mother’s operation took me away from here. I have been sick yet again, which annoys me to no end. I currently have a sore chest and back from all the coughing I have done over the last few days.

I have had other personal issues interfere and other things that have been moved up to the top of my to do list. Tomorrow I get to start some paper work, which I have been putting off for two months. Fun times.

Anyway, I am sorry for my lack of geekiness and the like. I do have ideas for posts which I am anxious to write and get at.

And I do have some fun geek things going on that I will be writing about in the future.

I hope all of you are enjoying your days and thank you for being here and sticking with me.

🙂