Hello? Is this thing on?

*Steps in and looks around*

It’s been awhile. Almost a year, actually, since my last post. And some of you probably forgot you even followed me and are wondering where did this random woman come from.

I had this whole dream of 2021 being a better year then 2020. Oh my sweet summer child, how wrong I was.

The year wasn’t a total bust. Thanks to DNA kits I bought hubby and I for Christmas last year, I have found new family, discovered some very cool connections (that I plan to write about at a later time) and I also helped Mr. C find his bio paternal family. His birth father sadly passed away a few years ago, but he’s in contact and meeting his new, massive family. (We live in a small area. One uncle lives so close that Mr. C could hit his house with a rock).

Off the top of my head, that’s probably the best thing that happened this year outside of the chaos of our lives.

Mr. C started hemodialysis in January, which in some ways helped but also drained him. In the summer he went in for surgery to have tube inserted into a membrane by the stomach. So now he is on home therapy, something called Peritoneal Dialysis. This has improved his health drastically as well as his mindset. He’s got a lot of normalcy again. So that’s a plus.

My mother’s Lewy Body Dementia progressed, making her decline farther. On October 6th of this year, my mom suddenly passed away. Thankfully is was peaceful and there was no suffering. But God do I miss her.

Last week while at the hospital for more training on another way of doing home dialysis, I sat in the cafeteria at lunch deep in thought.

The last two years have been full of nothing but bad news and other upsets. It’s taken the good out of me, and the things I loved doing have been put on the back burner or I didn’t have it in me to do any of it. So I made a plan. Well, more like determination set in.

Next year is going to be different. I know there is a lot of things I can’t control, but there are lots of things I can control. I already signed up for a virtual event for nerds like me who are into family trees/ancestry. I told my husband we are getting him on the transplant list next year. Step one of that is for him to lose some weight. This new therapy has given him more freedom and wellness, and already he is a bit more active and making better food choices. The road ahead won’t be perfect but we will take it one day, sometimes one minute, at a time.

I also have a massive stack of unread books calling my name, so I hope to get back to my book reviews. I also plan to write more. I am starting small with a goal of writing a few lines a day, or a blog post or maybe some flash fiction. This blog won’t sit dormant like it has. If it does I may as well just scrap the thing this time next year.

Maybe if I’m lucky, by this time next year I might find the old me. The ‘me’ that existed before heartbreak and pandemic burnout.

New Year, But Not A New Me

Like this photo I’m taking a leap of faith for the new year. *Photo not mine*

2020 is finally over, and we’ve moved onto what I can only hope to be a better year.

At the end of 2019, I had been hopeful for 2020. In 2019, my mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, put into a hospital, and my husband (who was born with polycystic kidneys), was told that he had a large tumor on his right kidney, and they weren’t sure if it was cancer or not. He under went surgery at the end of the year.

When 2020 came, we found out he didn’t have cancer, the remaining kidney wasn’t great but holding its own. My mom was put into long term care and started to improve. I felt good. Like the nightmare was over. I got back to reading, I even started using a planner and getting organized.

But before long, the corona virus was world wide, my business was mandated to shut down (which lasted for two and a half months). I wasn’t able to see my mom for a long time (for her safety), and when I could it was limited but I was grateful. I worried about the future of my business, my creative side of my brain was too busy worrying and feeling uncertain that my plan to write a novel during shut down went quickly down the toilet.

On top of all that, my husband got the news his kidney took a drastic decline, he was told he wasn’t allowed to go away for work by his doctor since he now needs a kidney transplant. We don’t know how long this will take. The process is a long one, and I am still waiting to hear if I am a match or not.

By this time, the hope I had for 2020 was down the toilet, too. With everything that was going on, a lot took a back burner. Including this blog.

But, in all the mess there were good moments. Work reopened and I was busy. My husband is otherwise healthy and soon will start dialysis. I wrote 50,000 in November for National Novel Writing Month (not the full novel but a good chunk), and of coarse the news broke that there was a vaccine. Hope to eventually get back to normal. Or, “normal-ish”.

Not to mention the second season of The Mandalorian was EPIC. (I am obsessed with Baby Yoda/Grogu). I hit the books and read seventeen novels. I know there’s people who read way more then me but I’m happy with the number. My book club, The Happy Bookers, kept going. We met online. We didn’t let a pandemic slow us down! 😉 It helped give me something to do and focus on. Things like snail mail started making a come back and people began to connect more and even re-connecting with people from their past. I’m happy to say I created a stronger friendship with one person, and I heard from a former pen pal of mine, and we have picked up where we left off.

At the end of December I was hesitant coming into the new year. I felt happy and hopeful and to be honest, that scared me. Because in the last two years I have learned that when I feel that way, it doesn’t last long.

So I decided to tip toe into 2021. With some hope and keeping my enthusiasm to a minimum for now. I’m not making any plans or resolutions. There’s things I want to do but that has nothing to do with a new year beginning. I just have some major catching up to do. 😉 I also plan to get back to my Nano novel soon, as I forgot how much I loved to write and turns out, I can still do it. I can still get words in, create new worlds and characters.

So, it’s a new year but same old me. But I’m okay with that. I do hope that each one of you have a wonderful year. That good things happen for you and to you. I think we all deserve that after this crazy time that will go in the history books.

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Another Spin Around The Sun

My feelings about 2019 summed up perfectly.

I think most of us can agree 2019 was for the pits.

Mr. C needed major surgery (and we are still waiting on biopsy results);  my mother is in hospital while waiting for a nursing home (and rapidly declining while she is there), several other loved ones got bad news, my depression was bad and my anxiety started getting out of control. Between hospital visits and the like, I became exhausted and I stopped taking care of myself.

If you are reading this and can take just one thing away, please let it be this: self care is important. I learned this the hard way.

But 2019 had light spots along the way. We learned who our true friends were, D&D nights are the best way to spend time with friends, and our Greyhound is still coming out of her shell, even becoming a cuddle bug. We must be doing something right.

Thanks to a doctor I spoke to when getting a med refill, she referred me to mental health, and now I am doing a program called ICAN, which is helping me gain control of my anxiety. It’s forced me to take care of myself, and I am starting to feel like my old self again, a little at a time. (My couch is amazing. He’s helped me more then he could ever know).

The end of 2019 has had me gaining control and getting organized. While I have said before I don’t do resolutions for the new year, I do plan to continue my progress for 2020. Staying more positive, continuing to work on my anxiety, and getting back to the things I love. I have started a book club and have made a plan to get organized in the new year. Change and progress doesn’t happen overnight. But I am feeling pretty good about the new year.

Hello 2020, I look forward to meeting you.

Hello, it’s me again…

Well, I can’t remember the last time I was here. I think at the time I was having a hard go of things.

To be honest, my 2019 haven’t been so hot. And from what I hear from people I talk to, it has been the same for many people. If you are one of those people, I feel for ya. If not, well I am glad at least someone has been having some good luck.

I have put myself and my health on the back burner. Over the last couple of months, my hubby has been dealing with some health issues. Life has become a series of hospital stays, doctor appointments, praying to God and the universe, on top of daily life.

My anxiety went through the roof. But I am happy to say that part is improving, thanks to a doc who referred me to mental health as well as a program called ICAN.

I have a much more positive outlook for 2020 🙂 I plan to get back to my book reviews (one coming soon!), starting a book club and getting organized in my daily and writing life. I have already started the declutter by removing an obscene amount of people from my Facebook.

If you have stuck around, I thank you 🙂 More fun and positive posts coming soon and in the new year!

July Wrap Up

Well, this month is not what I expected.

If you have read other wrap ups this year, you know I have usually stayed on task, or at least didn’t give myself a hard time if I didn’t. I have had some unexpected surprises, like getting our greyhound and getting to go to Toronto Comic Con.

July…oh July, what did you do to me? We started out ok, but you have decided to kick me in the teeth.

Work has been really busy, but not complaining about that! The heat is slowly kicking my ass. Well, the humidity. I hope it breaks soon. I am constantly shiny and have a cranky hubby haha.

Earlier last week, Foxy shaved about five years off of my life expectancy. She was fine and all of a sudden, she couldn’t walk. We rushed her to the emergency vet. I am grateful it was her new vet on duty that night. The good news: it wasn’t something deadly. Wasn’t a stroke or seizure. Long story short, she wasn’t paralyzed and 24 hours later she was walking again and had her strength up. It brought a lot back from when my boxer was sick last year and passed away. If you are an animal lover, you get the sick feeling I had.

Foxy ❤ She is doing so much better. Love this lil face ❤

The weekend brought a double whammy. I got a call from a friend who had a medical thing. I won’t go into details but she is ok. And on top of that, I found out one of my best friends is moving back home, half way across the world to Ireland.

I’m crushed.

I cried all weekend. She and I are close. When hubby goes away, her and I hang out a lot more and also are there for each other. When money is tight we pull together our resources and cook at my place or hers. When my boxer was sick, she stayed with me and helped. I call her “the wife” for a good reason. We are there for each other but life has thrown some shit her way that not even the bestest of friends can fix. My small, cheerio sized circle of (local) friends, is about to get smaller. Things may change, but…we shall see.

So thanks to humidity zapping my energy, work being crazy and being emotionally drained, I did nothing this month. No reading, no writing…but I plan to take a “me day” soon and hopefully I can do one of these things.

Hopefully next month my wrap up will be more perky haha. 😉

 

May Madness

Hey all!

How is May going for you? It’s been an interesting month so far, both in my life as well as the world in general. To my fellow authors, #cockygate: wtf?!

I haven’t had a chance to write a proper post. I have been pretty busy, which is a good thing. But I wanted to pop in and keep the writing wheels greased.

Work is crazy busy. Everyone wants their toes lookin’ good since summer is on the way. The weather is warming up and the sun is out more. People still complain that it is chilly. Like, there is NO snow on the ground, be happy!

Also I have had to tackle some “not fun” stuff like paper work prep to get my taxes done. Being self employed means I get extra time to file. AKA more time to procrastinate like a motherfucker.

Mr. C left Sunday for work. Which means I can spring clean and purge without him underfoot. I love him but it’s so much easier to do these things with him out of the house. I can work uninterrupted and I can toss things without him questioning me. My goal: get the housework done by next weekend so I can slack off til he gets home. And by slack off I mean catch up on Supernatural and write.

Even though I am busy my imagination is always at work. I am excited to be able to get to some projects. I also hope to get to some creative projects before the month is over as well.

So, how is May treating you so far?

 

Why I Started Blogging

I honestly never really thought much of the ‘why’ until recently, believe it or not. When I first started I had a little blog for a year or so called From The Bear Cave. When I started it was because a number of my author friends had blogs too, so I thought, why not?

But it wasn’t going in the direction I really wanted it to. So I put blogging aside for awhile. It was probably a year later (maybe longer, I don’t really remember) that I came back with The Geeky Book Lady. This allowed me to have the freedom I wanted. I am a huge geek who loves to read and write fiction. I felt really good, like I had a do-over.

I blogged the odd time but not as much as I wanted. Life got in the way, and I was dealing with depression and shit in general.

But this year I have gotten back to it, more serious then I have ever been. It isn’t because I am looking for a thrill or validation when I get post likes and a new follow. It isn’t because I am looking to be a popular blog. And it certainly isn’t because I think I have lots of great things to say and everyone should listen.

I think the real reason I started blogging, was to make friends and connections in the writing community. To find other people to nerd out over the newest Marvel movie or bitch about a problem with a current WIP.

I’m from a small place, with not much going on. I love Cape Breton, don’t get me wrong. I just find it hard to find like minded people. One of the reasons I love going to a comic con is because I am totally at home with my peeps. I chat to people everywhere and have even made some friends.

Another reason I started blogging more is because I am trying to be a better writer. That won’t happen if I don’t write. And my mind tends to be one big cluttery mess. So sometimes “word purging” on here helps. It organizes my thoughts or if I have something on my mind, I can get it out and move on.

And one last bonus: it has been helping me keep myself on track with my goals for the year. I love my wrap up at the end of each month because I look at it and think ” fuck yeah I accomplished something.”

We all have our own reasons why we blog. What is yours? 🙂

 

 

January Wrap Up

I started the year with a number of goals, wondering how far I would make it. i wondered how many of my goals I would keep working with. Today is the last day of the month and I am really happy with how things are going!

Writing: I was late in the game with this one but this past weekend I sat down and wrote 1100 words on my newest short story. This is for an anthology my writers group is putting together. i am really happy with how it is going, and I’m having fun with it.

Blogging: My goal was to write at least one new post a week, if not two. I am happy that I have been able to manage this so far. Thanks to my followers for sticking with me, and a big hello to those who found me this month! 🙂

Positivity challenge:  A big thing for me this year is to think better, and remind myself daily of something good. I have a journal and I write at least one good thing about my day or how I am feeling. I have kept up with it. My journal is on my coffee table and every evening after supper I sit and jot in a note.

The Book Pile: Again, I was late in the game with this one BUT the other night I sat down with Sherry D. Ramsey’s Dark Beneath The Moon. It is a sequel to her One’s Aspect to the Sun. It’s a sci-fi novel that features Luta Paixon, captain of the Tane Ikai, a woman in her 80’s but looks like she is in her 30’s. There is always one thing or another keeping her and her crew busy, both on and off the ship. I will be doing a review once I finish the book.

So, I am pretty happy with how the month is going. On a bonus note: another month under the belt until my husband comes home from working away. We have more then half of the time under us now, thank goodness.

How are your goals/resolutions going so far?

Hopes and Plans for 2018

I’m spending my New Years Eve home, in my pj’s with snacks. A perfect night in. After a hectic few weeks with work and the holidays, I am more then happy to stay at home tonight. I am about to have a marathon of The Strain. Love me some vampires!

I have been thinking all day of the things I want to do. I want to make 2018 a great year. I want to continue my personal growth, create some habits and have as much fun and laughs as possible.

I believe that telling people your plans makes you accountable, so I thought I would make my last blog post of the year about my plans (so far) for the new one. Hopefully this time next year my post won’t be about how all my plans went to crap haha. So, here are a few things I would like to do in 2018!

#1: Do at least two 100 day challenges.  I have been watching a lot of videos the last few days on Facebook about different challenges people have done, and I love the idea. Some people go to the gym, while others conquer their fears. Mine are not that fun haha, so no videos about them. I will start my first one in the next day or two, which will be no Pepsi or Coke. With the holidays I have been drinking a lot of it and I feel gross. My second one which I will start the end of March will be to write a page a day for 100 days. I have other writing goals, as well, but this will help me if I start to slack.

#2: Go to Toronto Comic Con. I found out the other day that Mr. C is flying me out to see him in March for a few days (hence not starting my writing challenge til spring…I won’t be writing a word those days), and while I am with him we are going to go to Comic Con! I can’t wait! I haven’t been to that con and I hope to see my friend Laura there as well. (Who I first met at Fan Expo 🙂 ) I hope to get to three comic cons this year. They are my favorite places to be. ❤

#3: Commit more time to writing. I am going to work on my writing three evenings a week. Some nights it might be editing, while others it might be working on new projects. I figure three nights isn’t too much pressure, and if I write more then that, bonus! Plus, I really want to blog at least once a week.

#4: Read. I have so many books on my TBR pile. I didn’t do much reading this year, and I hate that. I bought a lot so that has to count for something, right? 😉 I will review each one on here, even if it is just a few words.

#5: Savor every day. I am cracking out one of my journals and each day I will write one good thing about that day. I said in my last post that I want to have a lot more positivity in my life, and I want to keep track of that. It might be feeling good, a chat with a good friend or the feeling of spring sunshine on my face. Life is too short to let the days whiz by and not focus on the little things.

Well, that is my list. What do you hope to do this new year? Whatever you are doing tonight be safe and have fun!

Now if you will excuse me, vampires are calling my name. 😉

 

 

 

Ok so I fibbed…but just a little

I said before that I wasn’t rushing the summer away. But I guess that isn’t really true. As much as I love (and need) sunshine and long days, I am really REALLY eager for fall to come.

I try not to rush the summer, because I dread winter. In my part of the world, sometimes winter feels never ending. In Cape Breton, sometimes winter starts in November and we are lucky if the snow is gone in April. (I remember a snow storm once on May 18th… *shudder*) And, I don’t do well in the winter. My depression is at it’s worst, especially by February and March. We were lucky a few years in a row to have mild winters that nobody minded. But we paid for that since. (Snowmageddon and the Snopocalypse).

I love autumn, especially October. I mean, what isn’t to love?! Thanksgiving, Halloween, apple cider, corn mazes, and the splendid colors that fall brings, just to name a few.

I am already mentally making a fall to do list. It is hard not to, especially since my Pinterest feed is filled with everything autumn and spooky.

When it comes to my writing, I am mostly putting fiction to the side. I want to work on this blog (don’t hold your breath, but let’s see what happens 😉 ), and journal. Not just randomness but write down memories of my dad, life events, etc… Try to catch up on those sorts of things.

I won’t stay away from fiction totally. I plan to use my favorite time to write a short story. Maybe give horror another shot or just a fun or spooky story set on Halloween.

So, hate me if you must but fall is calling my name. I want the crisp evenings, comfy sweaters and to hear the crunching of leaves beneath my feet.

What season soothes your soul?